Thursday morning I woke up, packed up my things, climbed into my car, and started the three hour trek to Grand Rapids for the Festival of Faith & Writing Conference. The butterflies danced in my tummy as I prayed, asking for God’s guidance about which classes to attend and how to spend my time.
When I pulled onto Calvin College’s campus, my gut gurgled. I registered, then dashed to my car so I could check into my hotel and review the conference schedule. After unpacking and settling into my room, I busted out the booklet and scanned the contents.
Nothing. There was nothing I wanted to do. There weren’t any classes that I wanted to attend. None of the speakers grabbed my attention. In fact, when I thought about going back for the opening session, my muscles twitched.
What was going on? I’d already paid for the room and the conference. I spent my morning in a car (and that’s saying a lot, because I like driving as much as I like having cavities filled). I had prayed about this…hadn’t I?
If I’m really honest with myself, I think I knew all along that I wasn’t supposed to be at that conference, but I really wanted to go. Instead of asking God, “Should I attend?”, I told Him, “I’m going to this conference – what speakers should I hear?” If I had started at the beginning, I could have saved myself some time, money, and boring car time.
So I sat in my hotel room and called my hubby. I explained the situation. Feeling the need to visit the vendors’ hall before leaving, I stayed one night, but then went home Friday morning. I never went to a single class.
I have my suspicions about why I wasn’t supposed to be there, but to me it doesn’t really matter. I had spent the entire drive to GR asking for God’s guidance about classes, so I know what I was feeling wasn’t just apprehension – it was His answer, but not as I’d expected it.
For me, that’s okay. I don’t mind if He tells me to go left while I’m preparing to turn right. I just want to make sure I’m in His will, even if that means I have to suck up my pride and admit to my mistakes. I’d rather be on His path after a slight detour than to miss it altogether.
Wow, that must have been really hard. I had a similair situation a long time ago with a summer camp that I was supposed to be a counselor at. I just felt like I shouldn't be there. It's an awful feeling and I'm glad you got through it.
Oh, how heartbreaking. I'm so sorry you didn't get anything out of the conference after all that effort. 🙁
Wow – I'm so sorry. I sort of had those vibes about WTP, but I ended up meeting really nice people, including you and Julie Dearyan, and seeing Millie again, that made the whole thing worth it.
Now, put on your prayer shawl for next April in Iowa at Quad Cities. You can come down and drive over there with me, 'k?
I resonate with your experience about the Calvin Festival, but nearly in the opposite way. I packed up and drove the four hours alone after 5 others backed out. I struggled with the decision whether to go with the increased expense of going alone, but felt somehow I should go. I found opportunities I hadn't even imagined. Now, I must act on those. I agree, though, listening to that inner voice calms our storms.
Life is such a learning process. It takes time and practice to listen to that still, small voice. Thanks for sharing this experience.
Thanks for all of your kind words ladies. When I finally got back on the road, it was really kind of peaceful (I didn't even MISS the fact that I wasn't at the conference!)
Lisa…you might want to ask my hubby what I'm like in the car before you invite me across the country 😉 I'm a really big toddler when confined to a vehicle!
I can't imagine spending all that money and not going! I'm kinda tightfisted that way! lol
But how wonderful that you are so in tune with the Lord to hear Him speak so clearly to your heart!
I'm proud of you, Karin. Even though you had to swallow your pride, you did the right thing.
Love,
Jen