I’m obsessed with opening lines. (You may have already realized that). Because of this new hysteria I’ve been thinking about the opening line for novel #2 (that one that I will be revising after I complete my 2nd month of continued education).
In a nutshell: #2 is about a self-centered woman who things men are the problem in her relationships until all of her relationships (friends and family) fall apart and she does some soul searching. (Women’s fiction with humor and romance)
Would this hook you:
I hate breaking up with boyfriends, but it beats the alternative.
Thoughts?
****************************************************************************
MODIFIED:
I hate breaking up with boyfriends, but it sure beats marrying them.
Oh yes! That is a great opening. My mind has already gone to the smuck of a boyfriend she obviously has. 🙂
I actually don't think it's clear. Is the alternative not having any boyfriends to break up with or is the alternative staying with a boyfriend you don't like so you don't have to break up with him. "Alternative" throws me, now I might keep reading to figure out what the sentence means, but not sure you want to hook me with confusion? Or maybe I might be the only confused one. Finding some other way to present the alternative in a funny way without saying "alternative" might work.
Thanks for your input!
As you keep reading it will be clear that the alternative is to stay with a guy she doesn't really like. The MC doesn't really consider being dumped as an alternative b/c she's never been dumped…so far 🙂
I totally agree with MJ. "Alternative" is a little confusing and vague. I see what you're doing with it, and technically it makes sense, but it isn't as much of a grabber as it probably could be. Is the alternative simply to not break up with him? Or is it something more extreme or surprising? Is not breaking up with him even a possibly in your lead's head? Or was it easier for her to conceive of the alternative of jumping off a bridge, or running away, or drugging him and shipping him off to Sri Lanka, or causing him to break it off instead, saving her the trouble… Is there some kind of clue or indication you can give us in that first sentence that separates it from the typical break-up dilemma?
So, possibly something more along the lines of:
"I hate breaking up with boyfriends, but it sure beats marrying them."
This offers more clarity to her thoughts and gives you an idea of her most current situation.
Thoughts?
much improved
I know this has nothing to do with the post, but are you the Karin that posted on my dream editing blog post whose occupation is an anvil maker? What a cool occupation if so, hubby just bought another anvil today, so I thought that was funny. If not, I just wasted a lot of space in your comments section.:)
Hi MJ – I thought I replied to this, but I don't see the comment.
Yes, I'm the anvil maker. Not really, but I say that I am. It's a long story about a girl and her blog, and a boss with no sense of humor but the power to with hold a promotion.
Now I'm an anvil maker…from Winchestertonfieldville, Iowa. 🙂
Interesting! My first thought of what the "alternative" might be was that it beats THEM breaking up with YOU… either way, I'd definitely read the next sentence!