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“In the wise and soulful tradition of teachers like Shauna Niequist and Brene Brown, therapist Aundi Kolber debuts with Try Softer, helping us align our mind, body, and soul to live the life God created for us. In a world that preaches a “try harder” gospel-just keep going, keep hustling, keep pretending we’re all fine-we’re left exhausted, overwhelmed, and so numb to our lives. If we’re honest, we’ve been overfunctioning for so long, we can’t even imagine another way. How else will things get done? How else will we survive? It doesn’t have to be this way.

Aundi Kolber believes that we don’t have to white-knuckle our way through life. In her debut book, Try Softer, she’ll show us how God specifically designed our bodies and minds to work together to process our stories and work through obstacles. Through the latest psychology, practical clinical exercises, and her own personal story, Aundi equips and empowers us to connect us to our truest self and truly live. This is the “try softer” life.

In Try Softer, you’ll learn how – Know and set emotional and relational boundaries – Make sense of the difficult experiences you’ve had – Identify your attachment style-and how that affects your relationships today – Move through emotions rather than get stuck by them – Grow in self-compassion and talk back to your inner critic Trying softer is sacred work. And while it won’t be perfect or easy, it will be worth it. Because this is what we were made a living, breathing, moving, feeling, connected, beautifully incarnational life”–

I picked this book up on the recommendation from a friend. I wasn’t sure what to think, as the title doesn’t seem to reveal much. Here’s what I think it could be titled:

Try Softer: When You’ve Been Trying for Too Long and Nothing Changes

I’m sure each of us has issues/problems that we’ve struggled with for decades (I know I do). I keep trying and trying and trying, but nothing changes. Kolber’s book suggests that our “try harder” mentality isn’t working because there’s more going on that what we see at surface level. She introduces the idea of trying harder, which centers around a common theme:

Slow down and be gentle with yourself.

As a high-achieving people pleaser, a lot about this book doesn’t make sense to me, but the results definitely sound like something I want. Because this concept is so foreign, I don’t really know how to review it, but will say this–if you struggle with the following and want to live a Christ-centered life, I’d give this book a shot:

– Anxiety
– People pleasing/fear of disappointing others
– Chronic frustration with yourself
– Anger
– Chronic fear

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For more mental health books, check out:

The Comfort Crisis by Michael Easter
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk