Ahh…I’ve spent the last two weeks house sitting for friends. They have a large, three story house with an external wood burning stove. It’s almost ten miles outside of TC and quite isolated. There are no cats, no school buses, no piles of books/clothes/magazines laying around. It is the antithesis of my house.
I have written, read, cooked, relaxed, and been more productive than I have been in a long time. I’ve even spent some extra time reading my Bible and praying – I really don’t know how I could let that part of my life lapse. I love it! But that’s not the point – this is:
Saturday I will return to 900 sq.ft. of crampedness. Too much stuff; too little space. My head is already hurting.
I’ve been struggling for months to focus on my writing, but I find my days at home consumed with housework. I try not to, but my house has NEVER been clean (I’ve lived there for almost 3 years) and I just keep hoping some day it’ll get there. When I’m not cleaning, I’m usually thinking about what I should be cleaning. It’s not fun.
But I have to go back. And since I’ve so enjoyed my stay in this big, clean, quiet house, I’m not actually looking forward to it. That has to change.
I realize at this point in my life that my living conditions, sadly, aren’t going to change any time soon. Since I can’t do anything about that, then I need to create a space to work. The space I have isn’t working. I need something else.
I need a change, and I need to change.
I’m considering rearranging my house a bit (not an easy task). I also want/need to start changing my attitude. I can’t keep dreading my house – I live there! I need to stop fighting it and start asking God for the grace to accept it.
You cannot imagine how hard this is for me to admit. Nothing in me wants to confess it, much less change it. But now that I’ve had time to write again…I can’t let it go! I never should have in the first place.
So I’m going to … adjust. Yuck. (I don’t like change…I thought I posted an essay about that once, but I don’t see it. I’ll post it. I don’t like change…but I know it’s coming).
But I’m going to do it because I don’t want to quit writing, and I don’t want to go crazy (which is a side effect of my house…stay far, far away).
I’ll see you in a week or two…keep prayin’!